Living with PTSD

Living with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD


Its one of these illnesses that everyone's heard about, but very few people understand. In World War One it was called 'Shell shock'. More often than not this illness was not diagnosed and soldiers were shot for cowardice. Since World War Two it's been accepted as a legitimate illness, but still not fully understood, or for that matter diagnosed in many cases.

Extreme cases are recognised, but what of the normal guy in uniform?

I have heard the saying 'War changes you'. I would like to think I took my five conflicts in my stride. In true Para fashion if Id been in a bad situation I came back had a beer or five and got into trouble of some kind, be it a fight or just drunkenness. I would wake the next day with a hangover and it would be business as usual. Looking back on it I now know that was my way of coping. I have seen friends suddenly commit suicide; get done for shop lifting, and turn into alcoholics. Admittedly this is in the minority. Most of my friends came through it all relatively unscathed or so we like to think so. I think many of us are in denial and may be time bombs ready to go off at a moments notice if the right buttons are pushed.

In my early days I came back from Northern Ireland having served two and a half of a particularly hazardous three year tour. In those days you were encouraged to come home in uniform or 'Walking out dress' as it was usually known. I was merrily shopping on Saturday morning with my Mother and Father in a very busy town centre and proudly in my Parachute regiment No2 dress. A car backfired almost next to me.

I went for cover.

When I realised where I was I pretended to stumble and recovered my dignity hoping no one had noticed. My mother never noticed or maybe as a wartime nurse she knew what I was going through and looked the other way to spare my embarrassment. However, my father said. "You OK son, you were taking cover weren't you." I looked at the ground, but he just shrugged it off and told me not to worry, as it gets everyone like that to start with.

A lifetime of soldiering, five wars behind me and five years as a Contractor in Iraq and I like to think I'm normal. However, my wife says I'm more short tempered than when she first met me and although I don't have a drinks problem I do drink more than I used to...a lot more. Is this a minor form of PTSD? Do all servicemen and women who have seen combat and the horrors men inflict on each other suffer from PTSD. Some people, maybe the more sensitive and civilised amongst us, are the ones who crack up first. The rest of us may still have the confrontational 'Cave man' gene and it takes longer and more exposure to the horrors and stress of war before we to finally crack.

In 'Keepers of the Gateway to hell' I have tried to show the everyday stress and strain of the average bodyguard in Iraq. I think I have painted the picture pretty well. When I was on convoy escort missions one of my team mates used to come back from and without a word make his way back to his basher at speed. By the time I had unloaded my gear and joined him he was sitting on the steps of his hut in t-shirt and shorts with a large mug of what I at first thought was coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. As time went on I found out that his mug of coffee was in fact rum and this was his way of coping. He was a good operator and a good soldier, and a better man to watch your back in a fire fight you could not ask for, however he had his own demons and his way of taking care of them.



Simon Chambers.

The Unreported War

                In this day and age it is almost impossible to not know someone that has served in the forces. You might have a grandfather, uncle, cousin, nephew, friend or a friend of a friend or maybe even a work colleague. There have been so many conflicts around the globe since the Second World War that millions upon millions of troops have fought in, but almost all of their stories go untold. I think this is wrong.  I jump with pathfinder parachute group and after the jumps we usually go for a drink and swap stories. The jumps we do are commemorative jumps on wartime DZ’s and this allows me to meet real World War 2, Vietnam, Korea, Malaysia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Northern Ireland, African and  Veterans from a dozen other war zones. These heroes talk of their fallen friends, and some of the bravery and heroism brings a tear to your eye, as they are really sad stories, but apart from word of mouth these stories go untold. There is a saying “No Man Left Behind.”, but I think we should have a new saying “No Story Left Untold.”

                 The reason I wrote, Keepers of the Gateway to Hell, was to tell my story about the Iraq War and to tell the story of my fallen friends. I served as a contractor in Iraq, but had we been in the military many of my friends would have received medals for their bravery in action. The sad fact is Contractor deaths are not reported or counted as causalities of war, but nearly 99% of all contractors are former Para’s, SAS, Marine, Rangers, Delta, American SF and numerous over SF units from other nations. These are men and women that served their country with honour, but many of you reading this will know that it is very hard to return to civilian life after serving twenty-two years in the army. These men and women still wanted to serve, they wanted to do their part after the horrendous events of 9/11, and going back as a contractor was the only way. Another reason I wrote, Keepers of the Gateway to Hell, was to show that contractors were not blood thirsty mercenaries. Our rules of engagement were more strict than the militaries, one tiny mistake and we would lose our jobs, which was incredible consider many contactors did jobs that the military didn’t want to do.

                I have hundreds of friends that have served or were army brats or were wives of soldiers. I meet them at the commemorative jumps and we share stories, but time is cruel. Ten years ago there were lots of World War 2 Veterans at Arnhem, but now you can count the amount of Vets on one hand. They are slowly dying, but so are Vets from all the numerous other conflicts that have happened. I want to tell their stories, I want you to tell your stories, and I don’t think any story should be left untold. There are heroes, true heroes, but no one knows about them. I have friends that have tried to get published. I myself tried to get published, but the publishing world is hard to break. I was then introduced into the world of Indie Authors. It is another term for self-published authors and that in itself sounds like a daunting task, but it really is not.

                Every single Veteran has a story to tell. The general public should know about the heroic things that soldiers do. They should learn about the good things that happen in war zones like building schools, fixing hospitals and making the lives of an opposed people better. You have your story and no one can tell you what to write. You just have to write what is inside you. Sit down in front of the computer and talk about your experiences. That is what I did. Keepers of the Gateway to Hell, is about my second tour in Iraq. I plan to write more about my time in Bosnia/Croatia, Northern Ireland, Iraq, Cyprus and Oman and tell my story and the stories of my friends. Self-publishing your book is easier than it sounds. I have been asked a few questions by Veterans that wanted to put out their own work, so here is an outline of what I did. I do plan to do a detailed how-to blog in a few weeks on promotion.

                I had written my story and edited it with the help of a few friends that could write a whole lot better than me! I uploaded my book to Amazon Kindle, which took the grand total of ten minutes. By clicking on Amazon (Make an account or use your normal shopping account.) You go to “Publish with Kindle” and it takes you to a two page form that basically asks for the file the book is in (word.doc) and the cover you want to use (look to the right of this blog) and then a few questions on Pen Name, Price, Edition and what not. It is really straight forward and so easy to do. The book takes about forty-eight hours to upload and when it does it comes to amazon.com, amazon.co.uk and amazon.de, which means “YOUR STORY” is now available for tens of millions of people to read. If you are worried about people’s names, call signs, locations, Op’s Sec or sensitive information then change it. In, Keepers of the Gateway to Hell, I changed many names and didn’t mention the company I worked for and left out all sensitive information, which doesn’t damage my story at all.

                Your book is now online for millions of people to read. Price is important. Hardback books sell for nearly £15.00 plus post and packaging, but Keepers of the Gateway to Hell is only $2.99 U.S and £2.99 in the U.K, which are peanuts for a new release. Of course I want to make money and provide for my family, but getting my story out there and helping Veterans tell their story is more important. So, put your book out at a fair price. I mean renting a DVD is more expensive than buying, Keepers of the Gateway to Hell, and this might be the inspiration someone needs to pick up the book and considering the book is a U.S best seller and the U.K best seller I think it works.

                You may ask “Now what?”

                Putting your book online is only the first step. Now you have to market the book. This is a scary thing to think about at first, but marketing is very straight forward. All you need is a blog, a facebook.com account and a twitter.com account. This is all I use. The key to marketing is to give people something to connect with. You cannot go around saying “Buy my book!” as that doesn’t ever work. You create a great blog or a great site for your book that will attract people. You then use facebook.com and twitter.com to find people that are interested in similar subjects and tell them about your blog. For example I would go on facebook.com and search for “Military”, which would bring up groups and pages. I would join these groups and pages, join in with conversations, get to know people and tell them about my blog/site. It sounds a very simplistic approach, but my book is a U.S Best Seller. The reason is because everyone knows someone that has served, people respect Veterans and right now the world is in a difficult situation with conflicts, rumours of conflicts and terrorism. By getting your book out there you can help spread the word of fallen heroes, your own story and give people a real insight into what life is like in the military. My book is not the greatest story in the world, there are better writers, but people want to know what is happening in the war zones and not some awful Hollywood dramatisation.

                Write your story, upload it to Amazon.com, create a facebook.com account and a twitter.com account, search for groups/people/pages that relate to your book, your story, your message and start to spread the word. Tell people about your blog, place your book online at a fair price and if people like what you have to say they may pick up a copy of your book to support you. Every sale that you make is another person telling a friend about your book, which is another person learning about your story, the heroics of your friends and understanding what a real warzone is like.

                No story should be left untold. If you are an army brat then write about your mother or father, if you are an army wife then tell your story, I tried to show how hard is it on my wife when I was out in Iraq and that is another story that is not told. If you want to write about your friend, a mission, a posting, your career or anything then you can. Tell your story, upload it, spread the word and let no story go untold.

                I really want to help Veterans tell their story. I have my small army of grandchildren coming down this week, but when I get some free time I will post a blog on how to market your book in more detail. Thank you for reading. Please spread the message about letting no story go untold and support our serving soldiers and Veterans.

                Simon Chambers